I have always had a problem with the term "wrestling with God". I think I know why. In my heart and mind I know that every time I have done it I was only doing it to avoid doing something I already knew in my heart was the right thing to do. Got it?
So why do we wrestle with God? We know Him to be full of grace and mercy and love for His people. We know He loves us better than we can love ourselves. Yet we wrestle.
I know the answer is simple: we are frail creatures of dust, following in the footsteps of Adam and even the Apostle Paul..."the good that I know to do I do not do...". The problem is that answer is not good enough.
Chalking it up to my weakness and a sin nature sounds and feels like a cop out. Rather, I need to see that it is a grievous sin before God to be puffed up with pride and pursue my own agenda while he waits for me to quit squirming and do the right thing.
Wrestling with man is often the same exercise in futility. I have been reading the blogs of several prominent Southern Baptist bloggers. For several years there has been a running war of words over the direction/policies/actions related to our Convention, especially our International Mission Board. I know that many things we do in life could stand the scrutiny of a little more light but I tire of the time and energy that is being spent dickering with each other. I feel some of it is necessary but overall it seems to be dirtying up our witness to planet earth.
I am not condemning others for in this matter I am chief of sinners. Move over Paul, I think I have outdone in my heart whatever evil you ever contemplated.
Lord, help me to be more in love with you and those who do not know you than I am with my reputation, my love for self and most especially my wicked affection for always having to be right.